There was a time when work felt like who I was. Anything that threatened it began to feel like a threat to me. I thought I was protecting my future, but I was becoming less willing to question the way I was pursuing it.
I wanted a bigger life. That desire brought me to the United States and helped me build. It also made me justify too much. I could recognize the drive in myself more easily than I could recognize what it was asking of other people.
What I was willing to excuse
From the outside, long hours can look like commitment. I used that explanation myself. I was working toward something, and I thought the effort proved that I was doing the right thing.
My family experienced it differently. In Please leave the room, Sanjog, I describe a moment when their response forced me to look at what my work had come to mean at home. The call was part of a pattern I had been defending.
I do not want to lose the desire to build. I do want to question what I allow myself to excuse in its name. Wanting to create something useful does not settle how I should treat the people involved, or how much of myself I should give to the pursuit.
A question I need to keep asking
I now try to ask what a pursuit is making normal. Am I treating a strained relationship as an acceptable cost? Have I stopped listening to someone because their concern interrupts my plans? What am I defending that I would question in someone else?
Those questions do not make ambition disappear. They give the people and responsibilities around it a place in the decision.
If you are working toward something that matters to you, consider what the effort is making easy to excuse. Who can challenge you about it, and are you willing to hear them?